Diary of a Superstar: Barbecue Tonight!

Crickit is a sport of fairness, charicter and respict and I wouldn't be one of the greatest crickiters of all time if I ignored the traditions of this noble sport.

With that in mind my congratulations go to Englind on their victory against an under strength New Zealand.

This has to be seen as an important win especially given the huge disadvantages of the complete muppets at the ECB and the simply crazy seliction policy.

Special credit has to go to Root and Stokes for digging in with their slow, boring, conservative batting and ocassional wickets and to Cook for finally scoring some runs.

My happyniss at the result is tempered somewhat knowing what a mean and vicious bully Joe Root actually is. He used to flick me with a wet towel and call me "Kay Pee". I mean, fair enough that's my name, but it was the way he used to say it. It was hurtfull.

A sign of just how poor the seliction policy is comes with new caps for Wood, who only scored 12 in both innings, and Lyth, who didn't take a single wickit.

I pridict that Englind will fail miseribly against Australia unless they can find a dangerous and explosive middle order batsman who can contribute 20 to 50 runs a match before throwing his wicket away pointlessly and maybe running out his team mates.

They simply do not have anybody capable of filling that role.

Apart from Ballance. And Bell. And probably Moeen and Broad.

The important thing to remimber is that without me they are nothing! NOTHING I TELL YOU!

In other news the rest week from the grades gave us an oportunity for some team bonding and a bit of banter as some of the other guys still haven't heard all my humirous and intertaining anicdotes about my amazing life.

Little Davey Mitchell provided the venue and the food for an epic barbecue and special thanks must go to his Mum Ros for such a warm wilcome. Davey is a real cridit to you and Mr Mitchell and if he sticks in someday he could be almost as great a crickiter as I am.

There were the usual tasty burgers and sausages, some massive mutant prawns from the outflow of nearby Peterhead Power Station and much drinking and banter.

I even let some other people take a turn from time to time. 

Turn out was good with Davey, Ronnie Falconeer, Dick Collingwood, Dick Jnr, the old ginger one, the little bearded one and someone else I can't remember. Along with various other wives, partners and significant others.

I was surprised to see the Red T energy drink on the go but it turns out it is actually slightly alcohohlic. I suppose that explains what happened to the Micra.

Happy Hangovers everyone

Kay Pee