Diary of a Superstar: Ashes to Ashes

My first blog for a while. The reason? Not much cricket!

Between rest days, rain, cancelations and retirement parties I haven't had a lot to do. Even when I did get a game at Methlick my contribution was mainly resricted to demolishing their exceptional teas.

I kept my competitive edge with a bit of ten pin bowling where I showed my mastery of all sports with a magnificent 264.

That's an average of almost 90 a game.

Now I'm looking forward to the re-aranged semi-final against Grampian CC.

So why am I returning to my neglected blog?

The Ashes, that's why!

The greatest prize in cricket is being contested as I type and England are going in with the huge disadvantage of no Kay Pee! Worse still they don't have a single explosive middle-order Sath Ifrican powerhouse?!?

How do they expect to win?

What do they have instead? Ian Bellend.

Far be it from me to undermine a fellow player, especially one as second rate and completely out of his dipth as Bellie but he is a lightweight both figuritely and to a greater extent literaly.

He plays a good looking cover drive (even if it is usually down the wrong line)  but he is just too short.

Look at the greats of  the game, the real legends. I for instance am 6' 4". Tendular - 6' 2", Lara - 6' 3", Ponting - 6 foot, Mark Waugh - 6' 8". Even the great master, Don Bradmen stood at well over 6 foot.

No amount of gurning and grimaceing at the crease is going to make up for his lack of bulk.

It's sad to see the end of such a long career and nobody works harder but the truth is Ian Bell will never have another meaningful innings at test level. It's time for him to stand down, for the good of the team, and let a larger, better, more southern hemisphere player back into the squad.

Or else England has no chance!

Go BIG or go home.

Kay Pee

UPDATE:

He scores too slowley and he is still too short