And so the season comes to a close and I have surpassed what I set out to acheive. Not only have I succeeded in getting Portcullis back into Grade 3 but I have done it as League Champions! Turra CC were unable to field a team due to "Coos ah roond an aboot" (???) and that resulting scratched match gave us the league title.

No cricket again this weekend as persistent rain saved Siyapa from a sound beating at my hands. I was in the mood for a big score and as one of the greatest players of all time I would have certainly layed waste to our title challengers.

The lack of any results sees us retain our position at the top of the league with only one game remaining. It's there for the taking - how much do we want it.

Congratulations to Englind on overcoming their idiotik selection policy in order to not lose the ashes. Somehow the pathetic and spineless captain lead the weak, characterless batting order chosen by bitter, short-signted selectirs to an unlikely victiry against the poorest Australian side in living memory.

Well done lads.

Geriatric strike bowlers made up for the many failures of the batsmen who were clearly out of there depth. Not to mention the fact they are short and many don't have earings.

My first blog for a while. The reason? Not much cricket!

Between rest days, rain, cancelations and retirement parties I haven't had a lot to do. Even when I did get a game at Methlick my contribution was mainly resricted to demolishing their exceptional teas.

I kept my competitive edge with a bit of ten pin bowling where I showed my mastery of all sports with a magnificent 264.

That's an average of almost 90 a game.

Now I'm looking forward to the re-aranged semi-final against Grampian CC.

So why am I returning to my neglected blog?

It's that time of the season; a top of the table clash with Siyappa our main contindirs for the title with extra spice from the fact many of them are ex Portcullis players, in the crucible that is Sheddocksly 2.

Games don't get any bigger than this. Except in grade 3, grades 2 and 1, Strathmore... Now I think about it, it's not really a very importint game but to those involved it was pretty vital.

This week saw our cup tie, quarter final away to Stonehaven and the continued Englind slide into mediocrity.

How do they expict to win anything without a Sath Ifrican in the team? Gary Ballance is no substitute and shouldn't be batting at 3. He should be struggling into the twenties or thirties at 4 or 5 like I did.

Stonehaven is a lavley place to play and I whould niver have thought that changing rooms with hot and cold water would be the height of luxury. Oh how the mighty have fallen, I used to play in the IPL.

Crickit is a sport of fairness, charicter and respict and I wouldn't be one of the greatest crickiters of all time if I ignored the traditions of this noble sport.

With that in mind my congratulations go to Englind on their victory against an under strength New Zealand.

This has to be seen as an important win especially given the huge disadvantages of the complete muppets at the ECB and the simply crazy seliction policy.

It's been a busy week for me and no mistake. The last minute cancelation of our match by the KKK 2nd XI left me angry and hurt but the fact there was no cricket at the weekend gives me more time to talk about much more important things.

Like me!

As a young boy growing up in Natal Province I dreampt of playing cricket for Englind (actually it was rugby for Sath Ifrica but it turned out I wasn't good enough for either) and the journey I took is now at an end because of petty, bitter, short sighted men with an axe to grind!

Statistics can sometimes be misleading but a quick look at the number of batsmin I have run out shows just how good I am at running between the wickits.

I consider myself second only to the great Geoff Boycott at leaving team mates high and dry in the pursuit of a few extra runs (although the truth is, I am vastly superior to him in this, and every respict).

Another week, another match. And still no Range Rover! This is intollerable!!!

Cancelation of training due to the weather did give me a free three hours so I completely overhauled the engine on the Micra. My incridible engineering skills mean that it now pumps out 400 HP and will do 0 - 60 in under five siconds. Probably. Unfortunately the limitations of the original machinery means it now won't start at all.